a little coffee

Yesterday, I armed myself with my Chinese phrase book and Chris and boldly walked over to the eyeglass counter in the local shopping mall. I’ve been wanting a new pair of eyeglasses for months because one of my lenses is super scratched and, after more than two years, I just wanted a new pair. I had considered calling a student to help me, but always thought of excuses not to. Part of the reason is sometimes I’m too stubborn to admit when I might, maybe, perhaps need a little help and the other, sometimes in Doodle land, "help" is more trouble than what it’s worth.

The small shop offered only a small selection, half that of my former eyeglass place, but that turned out to be a good thing because I had the helpful, smiling young women pull out at least fifteen pairs of frames from under the counter to try on. Frames ranged in style to basic wire in a few shiny colors (purple! pink!) to thick plastic in neon orange to rectangular in gray-blue with five yellow sparkles on the outer edge of the frame. After doing "which do you like better? These or these?" to the young woman and Chris for many, many minutes, I broke the tie between the woman who liked the gray-blue with yellow sparkles and Chris, who preferred the dark blue, and settled on the dark blue.

That was the easy part. The difficult part, why I brought along a dictionary, was to tell the eye doctor that I wanted the same prescription as my old glasses and I did not want an exam. The doctor, an older, friendly woman with lots of wrinkles and soft light brown hair, had me sit in a tiny room, smaller than a closet, and stare at what appeared to be an ancient computer screen, while she used a huge remote control to project lines of E’s in various stages of clarity and fuzziness on the screen.

"No, no," I started to say, as she asked if I could read any of the four lines. "I don’t want this," I gestured towards the screen and held up my glasses, "this I want this."

I’m really amazed that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I pulled out the phrase book and pointed "Can I take an eye test" and tried to convey, again, that I didn’t want an eye test, just the glasses. She, so patiently trying to deal with the crazy, language-impaired foreigners, considered me, asked me something I didn’t understand and read the lines. Over and over. Maybe she thought the phrase book was crap, too? Flustered, I called Chris in to help.

It took at least ten minutes of us trying to use our paltry Chinese with these not helpful phrases. How to turn "My prescription is 150," into "I don’t know my prescription, but I want the same prescription as my glasses" while the doctor kept trying to give me the eye test.

I don’t know how it happened but between Chris and the doctor, they managed to communicate.

"Du su!" she said. You could see the light bulb over her head.

Chris and I weren’t entirely sure. That particular phrase wasn’t in my phrase book. But she repeated it and gestured in such a way that made as think that maybe we kinda understood each other? She stood up and called to her employee and rapidly explained.

"Ah ah! Du su!" She exclaimed and took my glasses and told us to wait twenty minutes.

Relief! Finally! Twenty minutes later she handed me a piece of paper that had my prescription on it. But all was not over yet.

Expecting to get my glasses back, pay and go, they sat us down and put a chart in front of us with a bunch of numbers and characters that we didn’t understand. The young woman proceeded to talk and talk and talk. Never, yet, has someone talked so quickly and so much at me while I couldn’t understand a single word. It was about a three minute speech she gave me! I understood that they wanted me to pick "520" or "300" but I had no idea what the numbers referred to and which was better. Chris and I finally got that they wanted me to decide which kind of lens. And the numbers corresponded to price. More expensive or less expensive?

I should have just picked one then. But I had to ask which they recommended. They seemed excited about that. The young woman pulled out a box of those big sample lenses and then she was off again! Another three minute speech gesturing to the lenses, dipping her finger in water and flicking droplets onto the lens. All the while chattering away at high speed.

When she finally finished, she looked at me expectantly.

"Ummmmm…" I looked at the sheet again to buy time. The deluge of Doodles had sent my head spinning. Obviously the hullabaloo was about lenses but which was which?

"The most expensive are probably more scratch and water resistant, I guess," Chris chimed in after I asked if he, better Doodle speaker, caught anything she said.

Well, I reasoned, I guess we’ll find out.

"This," I said, pointing at "520."

It’s like I had fired a starter pistol. Instantly they went into action, filling out forms, putting the lenses away and what. Only then did we bother to look around us and then notice that we had the captive attention of the big jewelery store and the shoe store behind us. Even some of the customers curiously watched us. We are superstars where ever we go.

Whatevs. In nine days, this superstar will have a brand-new pair of cute glasses.