a little coffee

Hello nice Polish lady who refills the bathrooms at work with toilet paper and paper towels,

I was nervous to see you walking down the hallway today. I scampered to the lady’s bathroom to do my business as fast as I could. I was hoping to get through before you came in. You see, though you are a very nice person, you are kinda, a little bit, annoying. You chat and chat on about I really don’t understand what all the time because of your accent. I do admire the English skills you have. I know it’s tricky to learn a new language- even trickier to get your courage up enough to speak in that strange, uncomfortable language. But, but but… You talk so much! Once you told me about how your grandson almost drowned in the kiddy pool at your house in the summertime while all the adults were admiring the garden. (I think that’s what you said to me.) Regardless- TMI!

I’ve tried politely to tell you “I have to get back to work now. Have a good day.” And yet you kept talking! Have a good day! Punct! You continued on about something about the suburbs. You live there, I guess? I bet that’s a long commute downtown. When you paused, I tried again. “Well, I have some work to do. Have a good afternoon.” And this time you started talking over me. Right in the middle of “goo-.” Now that was just rude. I started to inch my way to the door, hoping you’d visually get the idea that our five minute chat was up (five minutes ago). Nope. Another girl came in to use the facilities, washed her hands and left, and there I stood an arm’s length from the door considering how rude it would really be if I just fled. Would my parents be disappointed that I didn’t turn out to be a nice young lady if I ditched the chatty Pole right there?

I’m not sure how I got out of there… I think I waited for you to take a breath, said “Bye!” and ran, just ran. I heard a few words trailing behind me as the door swung shut but, you have to understand. It was awkward, just standing there while people came in and out. I was desperate. I suppose I should be a little thankful- you weren’t talking at me while I was on the toilet.

So I did my business today- in record time. I even skipped my usual yoga stretches. As I scurried back to the office, I saw no sign of you. I suppose you’d already finished tiding up the lady’s and were on to the men’s? I’ll be honest- I did breathe a sigh of relief once I made it back to my desk. Please understand I truly don’t mean to be rude and I only hope you can understand my position. And thank you so much for keeping the bathroom stocked with toilet paper.

Sincerely-