a little coffee

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It’s been a super long time.  And I blame vacation.

For two and a half weeks in September, I was vacationing in Italy and southern Italy.  Which was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!  (extraordinary, inspiring, relaxing, breathtaking and so many other adjectives like these).   Every morning, all I needed to think was “I’m in Italy, I’m in Italy” and a very blissful sensation washed over me and for a several moments, Italia full on my brain, everything was well and right in the world.  I excitedly went out exploring Greek ruins, shopping, frolicking in the Mediterranean, the Thyrrenian seas, tasting some the best food ever- olive oil is magical.

Then I came home.  Chicago, I heart you so, but you’re not Italy.  Rather, you are the real world.  Rent. Job.  Responsibility.   Things I just left behind without realizing it.  I stepped into my own world- a fantastic place of history and culture.  I was floating around in a bubble, where the real world, where all the shit on the news, where the day-to-day things, cell phones, email held no value.  My bubble protected me- I didn’t need those things and it was a wonderful relief off my stressed shoulders to just. be. away.  Away…

Home.  I was excited to step off that plane, to sleep in my own, so much more comfortable bed, to touch my boyfriend I missed so much.  After two days I returned to work and there the real world screamed in my face.  And it brought tears to my eyes.

I wondered- is this what it’s going to be like, always now?  I haven’t had a serious vacation in several years, at least since I was in college, so this wash of feelings was entirely new.  Do all adults feel like this?  As soon as you step into that office, shit starts piling up, block by block.  Work responsibilities and bills and money and little chores like doing the dishes, laundry, food shopping and stresses like morning rush hour stack on top of each other and soon the weight of it grounds you into the earth- and you’re trapped.

Maybe it’s a good thing that you don’t notice how stuck you are into routine, into whatever little stresses make-up your daily schedule.  I certainly wasn’t aware of how rooted I was.  It all falls away so quickly, I didn’t know anything had fallen away at all.  But it becomes ultra clear once you step back into that world.  Your mind needs a few days to build up its strength to take on the world again.

It’s been a couple weeks and I’m back to my normal life.  Italy, I wish I was still there.  But the real world isn’t sooo bad (I did miss toilets with actual seats.)  So now I fantasize about where I want to go next and will, hopefully, be better prepared for homecoming.