Lonely God

Chris and I were just in the supermarket shopping for food stuffs, ladida, and stumbled across this awesome find:

The NEW Lonely God brand “fried extruded snack” in seaweed flavor! Hopefully it’ll hit the supermarkets near you!

More Doodle Propaganda!

This is a behind the scenes look at the latest piece of propaganda the university made us do. This year is the university’s 60 year anniversary, which means they’ll harangue us into doing something weird in the new term. I bet it involves singing. But for now, it was just some pictures of us sitting in a circle outside in the 100-degree heat chatting with some English majors. Which turned out to be not so painful because the process didn’t take more than 15 minutes and I knew and liked many of them from previous classes. Embarrassment: one of the students and I were wearing the same dress! The photographer/school wanted one of us to stand in the center of this circle and give a speech for the camera but we, or at least I, did what the Doodles do sometimes when they don’t want anything to do with the foreigner, only I was more polite. A brisk,”No thanks” and then I ignored future prodding until they gave up. Haha!

Last they shot a short 30-second video that only Chris, Adam, and Annie were asked to star in. (Robert and I mocked from the sidelines). Here Chris is! Chatting with a couple of my former students beneath the shade of the swaying willow(?) tree:

Grading Exams

Good lord! It takes a freaking long time to compile 430 student’s grades. Sifting through papers, tallying numbers from my flawed grading system. Despite the benefits of being able to do whatever I want in class (hell, I could probably skip a month and no one would say anything) I wish the university would have given us criteria or suggestions for what they expect of their students. Like “by the end of your sophomore year, you English majors should be able to dot dot dot.” Standards, anyone? As I’ve mentioned before, the whole exam process is a huge joke. Why bother? Especially since Oral English is treated more like an optional club than a required course. Next year I should just avoid this tedium. No exams and everyone passes!

I hand them in on Thursday, then I’m free! I’m free!

Poor Chris, though. He hasn’t been feeling well and he has all these flimsy Doodle papers to go through.

“Rock Music is Just Noise”

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but the Doodles, generally speaking, don’t like rock music. Most of them enthusiastically say they prefer “light” music. I think they mean soft, romantic ballads. A la Kenny G and “My Heart Will Go On” from Celine Dion, which you will hear from time to time somewhere in the streets of Anyang. 

Chris is currently sifting through a gigantic stack of papers he acquired from his students this term because next week we need to turn in our final grades. One stack is comprised of a list of notes one class gave him for a music activity he did. For this activity, the students listened to a wide range of “English music” Chris picked out and then needed to talk about the songs they heard. What did they like, not like, etc. 

This is how one of his students responded: ”I feel all the songs are crazy. All rock. I nearly can’t bear someone has heart-disease, may be to die.”

These are the songs he played. His student may have a point with Metallica, but Gary Jules’s “Mad World?” Come on!

“Fresh Feeling” by the Eels

“Map of the Problematique” by Muse

“Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley

“Holier than Thou” by Metallica

“2pr” by Clint Mansell

“Benji Box” by Dangerdoom

“The Thrill is Gone” by B.B. King

“Mad World” by Gary Jules

After one week here, you’ll start hearing the same handful of poppy ballads all over the place, and I feel compelled to enlighten my students with good music because the government is obviously censoring it. But with such responses (heart disease?!) I’m afraid my campaign will fall on deaf ears.

Beijing, Part Yi

Because of classes, Chris and I could only spend two full days in Beijing. No worries, though, because we’ll be going back at some point. The reason for our impromptu trip was Chris’s soon-expiring passport needed to be renewed by the end of the month so Friday morning we spent over twenty minutes (and a whole lotta money) in a cab going from roughly the center of town to the northeast of town (whose municipality is about the size of Belgium) to the new embassy, a tiny gray single-story structure surrounded by towering glass and steel skyscrapers.

That was my first and strongest impression about China’s capital. All the new, tremendous buildings, wide streets, and relatively controlled traffic. “Where are we, Germany?” I asked at one point. They even have a new, slick, clean subway that makes Chicago’s look unfit for the garbage dump. Many of the new buildings had a European flair with domes and columns. You had to wander down narrow alleys for the hutong, Beijing’s old architecture. There! That’s the familiar China.  Sweaty, cramped restaurants, with questionably clean surfaces and hard chairs, the sloppy, stinky trash piles. Beijingers lounging outside with their shirts rolled up, faces puckers in sweat from the humidity.

Our hostel was just a skip away from a new shopping center. Two Five story shopping malls across the street from each other. One selling top end designer goods like Hugo Boss, Louis Vuitton, and friends while the other contained the more affordable chain stores we get in Anyang. And western restaurants galore! Our first meal in Beijing was a giant, cheesey, thick crust pizza from Pizza Hut. This was the first pizza we’ve had since Kunming (February) and it was damn delicious. There was also a Dairy Queen we indulged in (sadly, though, lacking most of the blizzard candy toppings) and a Starbucks which was even more overpriced than usual.

We only had time for a couple of the attractions like the Forbidden City and Tienanmen Square. I remember my father saying something like (ten years ago) he had to risk his life to cross the street to get to Tienanmen? That is the Doodle way I know, but they sent me into a tizzy with these nifty underground pedestrian walkways so traffic can continue steadily onwards.

The Forbidden City was massive. About 90% of the rooms around the periphery were closed with a few having been converted into museums for something like The History of Chinese Music. Then there were the big attraction rooms: where the emperor slept, where the emperor rested and received officials who kowtowed before him, where the emperor actually conducted business with these officials, the emperor’s throne room. Honestly, I got bored walking through this sprawling place (it took us a couple hours) to get to the rooms where you could actually see anything besides the red City walls. And to actually see anything in those rooms you had to jostle the other tourists and occasionally press your nose against a piece of dirty class, or peer into a darkened room to get a mediocre glimpse of the emperor’s throne.

What else did we do? Tienanmen Square which was, you know, Tienanmen square, the Night Market I remember from a story NBC did during the Olympics. Come here for a variety of local dishes including scorpions, insects and sheep penis. (See entry below for more details). Also the Beijing Museum of Natural history, which enticed us with it’s new exhibition on Mammoths and evolution, but was too small and in need of upkeep (like washing the Plexiglas from obscuring fingerprints), all in Chinese, a giant disappointment. We walked through the neighboring Temple of Heaven Park, a beautiful spacious park that enveloped city blocks so the emperor could make his ritual sacrifices to the various gods. We also wandered around Qianmen, a big square only a little south of Tienanmen. It looks like the main drag was recently renovated and some traditional Chinese architecture restored. Now there just needs to be more shops and restaurants besides the H&M. (Yes! I went shopping at H&M!)

We were too rushed and not wanting to be at the Great Wall on a crowded Saturday so we’re saving that, the Summer Palace, and oodles of other things for our next visit.

Donghuamen Night Market

Near where Chris and I stayed in Beijing is the Donhuamen Night Market (which I’m pretty sure NBC did a segment on during the Olympics). Vendors at this market, in their red aprons and hats, sell omnipresent noodle dishes, steamed or fried dumplings, and skewers. Skewers everywhere with their poky little ends wanting to take someones eyeball out. They’re all over the campus backstreets in Anyang: fried meat on a stick, tofu on a stick, cauliflower and other vegetables on a stick. Only on this street just off a major shopping plaza (two new, five story malls with Louis Vuitton, Hugo Boss, Armani, Pizza Hut, Dairy Queen, and (oh yes) Starbucks) you can by water beetles on a stick, scorpions on a stick, an assortment of other crunchy bugs, something that maybe baby squids, and sheep penis.

“Penis! Penis! Penis!” One vendor bellowed.

The Chinese are aggressive sellers. If they see you even think about lingering before their goods, they’ll single you out and start barking prices at you.

“You like pineapple, lady? 15 yuan!” It’s best that you ignore them. Try.

Good fun, prowling the market that I’ll guess was about half the length of a city block. Prices were high compared to what we pay for similar food in Anyang. Chris and I did a major fauxpaux though. We neglected to confirm the price of a noodle dish with vegetables we ordered and ended being charged an outrageous price. (Unless you’re at a department store or a proper restaurant that have their prices clearly listed, always, always, always ask how much something costs first). Luckily, the vendors all have signs posted above their stalls with prices so Chris quickly added up the cost and found that the four fingered wench who sold our noodles was trying to rip us off 30 yuan (a hefty amount of money especially for street food). Ha! Suck it lady! We’re not stupid foreigners anymore! We slammed down the money we actually did owe her and left.

a tasty snack...

dessert

It’s Exam Time Again!

Finally! The end of the semester approaches!

Last term, with the exception of my two asshole classes, I enjoyed Exam Week because 1) I didn’t have to prepare anything and 2) watching the students prepared sketches was actually entertaining. The best students were creative and put in effort to write and then perform a piece. 

Monday I was ready to sit back and enjoy the shows. Which I did for the first two classes and then it was time for my afternoon class. Out of a group of 49 students, I had only ever seen, at best 30, and that was the first few weeks of class when I took attendance. The numbers slowly dwindled from there until I hit a record low of 5 students one day. About half the faces I saw come through the classroom that afternoon were brand new or forgotten. Their exams were complete crap, a joke really. 

Part of this, I know realize, is my fault. Unlike last semester when I gave the students an option of a debate or sketch (which most of them chose), I added presentation to the list. I insisted, repeatedly, both in writing and verbally, that it must be a group presentation. The group must work together, must interact with each other, to present their topic. AND I wanted explanations, not descriptions or summaries. 

Most of them completely disregarded this and for nearly three hours I listened to 43 speeches that ranged in time from one to five minutes. The most popular topics were travel and film so I either got a description of a place (some included population statistics, the height of a statue) or the plot summery of a film. Come on now. How hard is it to say “I like this film because of…” and have a group member say “I agree because… Also, I think…” ?

On Tuesday, two equally large classes pulled the same stunt. One class didn’t even put up the pretense of a presentation by having all group members stand up at the same time, but went one by one to the front of the room and delivered a bad speech. 

I’m still boggled that so many students deliberately ignored their very plain instructions. (I’m confident that I got my point across because groups in the three other classes that did presentations did quite a good job giving an actual presentation.) Then I remembered that the entire concept of an exam, at this university is a sham. If teachers do the shocking thing and fail a student, the student knows, every one knows, that that student will still pass and graduate and get their degree. (If mommy or daddy has a good job, they’ll be set up with a good job). So as long as the student shows up and does something for the exam they’ll pass. Even if I give them a 2 out of 100, the English department will most likely change it to a passing grade. What the hell is the point of even doing an exam if the school is going to monkey with the grades anyway?

This speaks for the class, Oral English, too. Most students don’t think speaking English is so important, which is unsurprising when their English career up until college has been in training for the uber difficult and life-changing College Entrance Exam, which doesn’t include an Oral part. Many students don’t bother to come to class, which I’m OK with. Means a much more manageable class size, but even the students that still come don’t always participate. If I ask them to do an activity, most of them just sit or read their books. So again, what the hell’s the point of even making this class a requirement if, clearly, the university doesn’t even care?

Now I’m left wondering what to with all these students. Its especially obnoxious because several good students who have participated in class and are very articulate pulled the same shenanigans as their terrible classmates. Maybe I should just pass everyone because it’s not worth the effort of thinking about all of this?

Ba. Three more classes to go.

Juno in Doodleland

Finally, all my classes have finished talking about the film we watched, Juno. All eight of them (and even Chris’s classes) shared opinions that are remarkably different from, I’ll say, an American interpretation. At least mine and Chris’s.

First, they all hate Bleeker. Why? I thought he was funny, a contrast to outgoing, self-assured Juno. I sympathized with Bleeker. The students explained that he’s timid, cowardly, irresponsible. Irresponsible? Ah, there it is. When pressed, they said he should have faced up to his responsibilities as a father to Juno’s baby. When further pressed to explain what responsibilities, many say, after a moment of nervous giggles, “I don’t know.” Some say he should have married Juno. (Then many of their classmates dismiss that by saying “Juno’s only 16! Too young.”) The more articulate students say he should have been there for Juno in the beginning instead of just at the end of the movie. Some admit that they like Bleeker much more at the end of the movie, the coward reformed.

But it was their idea that he should have faced up to his responsibilities that I found surprising. He didn’t runaway from Juno at all. Even asked “what should we do” when Juno told him she was pregnant. Even asked if he should go to to the ultrasound with her. No, he certainly wasn’t denying responsibility. So now I wonder if they all thought he should have been with her, held her hand and everything, even though she never asked for his help. I wish I would have asked if they saw Juno as too independent.  Or did Bleeker not conform to their idea of what a man should be?

Many students also respond to Mark like they did with Bleeker. He was an irresponsible coward for getting a divorce. Despite that he says he’s not ready to be a father, despite that it’s clear he and Vanessa aren’t in love and have incredibly different desires for their lives. The general Doodle repsonse is something like he made a promise to adopt the baby and he should stick to his decision and stay with Vanessa, regardless, it seems, if she even wanted him around. Again I suspect Mark didn’t conform to their idea of what a man (a father, a husband) should be. That, as Chris thinks, a sense of duty and following the rules should trump everything else, even if it makes all parties involved miserable.

The best question I thought to ask was “What if Juno had lived in China instead? Would she have made the same decision to adopt? What about her family’s reaction?”

Some exclaim it’s not possible in China for a 16 year-old girl to have a baby (meaning she can’t have a baby without being married first). I assured them that it is possible and it has happened before. Everyone else shook their head and said “abortion!” or “kill the baby!” Many students were completely baffled by Juno’s parents reaction to her news. Disappointed, a little angry sure but they immediately decide to support their daughter. “In China,” several students said in their blunt way, “the parents will beat their daughter and force her to abortion the baby.” They have to do it before she starts to “get big” or everyone will know and bring shame to the parents. They will ridicule her, discriminate against her. And, worst of all, force her to leave school until she gets rid of the baby, in one way or another. A few students expressed amazement that Juno was allowed to still go to school and were further amazed when I said that the school would probably get into serious trouble if they expelled a student just for being pregnant. “So free!” a couple girls said.

That these responses were so consistent across 500 students provided another in site into the Doodle brain. And that I was initially taken off guard by their responses, especially their dislike of Bleeker, showed me again how “American” my brain is. Whenever I pressed the students for reasons why a Chinese parent would beat or even disown their daughter for getting pregnant, they’ll say something like “China is traditional.” By the last few classes, when I’d (mostly) become desensitized to this, I wanted to get them to really see how backwards, how harmful so many of their traditions are. In particular this concept of avoiding shame at practically any cost, this “saving face” which is at the root of the Chinese parent’s reactions of forced abortions. Would you do it to your kid? Would you make fun of a classmate that became pregnant? Actively shun her? “Frankly, these traditions are a little stupid” I want to say but don’t. It’s not fair or helpful for me to ridicule the way that they were raised. But what I can do, like showing Juno, is present them with alternatives, different opinions, different ways of thinking and, hopefully, help them come to new conclusions on their own.

Escape!

I haven’t updated in a while but I have a good reason! 

Chris and I are in Beijing!

A week or so ago, the incompetent toolbox in the school’s foreign affairs office told him he needed to renew his passport before the end of June otherwise he won’t get his resident permit and so will be banished back to his homeland. (His passport expires before the end of the next contract period). Never mind that classes go until the end of June and who knows how long it’ll actually take to get a new passport from the U.S. government.

We got lucky with timing. Thursday was Dragon Boat Festival so classes for Thursday and Friday were canceled. (Tuesday night we were informed that Friday classes would be held on Sunday instead. Thanks for the heads up, Anyang Normal University. We already bought our train tickets and booked a place to stay.)

So here we are! Enjoying breakfast before hopping on a train back to sweaty Anyang. 

Will add posts on our short trip soon!

Wanted: Efficiency Expert

Disclaimer: This is a Rant.

I had this brilliant idea for classes this week. Movie! They’d love to watch an English movie and I would love a lazy week of no class planning and no cajoling the students to talk. AND I already have a topic for next week: talking about the movie. Win-win.

Oh, but the Doodles make it sooooooo much more difficult than that.

I, being a planner, told my classes two weeks in advance that I would show a film. Since the only teaching tool in the classroom is a semi-clean chalkboard, I had to reserve different rooms to do this, hence the notice. First, I went to the English department, where they told me no rooms were available for two classes on Monday morning. I knew was bullshit because other teachers have shown movies to classes Monday mornings. No, they didn’t listen to me when I mentioned this. Fine, Office. Don’t cooperate with me. I’ll use other channels. So I told the students to deal with getting a room. Easier, right? Maybe. No. For two classes I had to postpone showing the film because I had to apply first. This entailed me “listing some reasons” why I wanted to use that room. Um. So we could take naps? But applying was only required for two classes, not the other six. Power trip?

So Monday afternoon and I’m ready to show a movie. I have a Doodle copy of “Last of the Mohicans” all ready to go. Only the software the computers use doesn’t pull up the film nice and easy like the TV or my computer does, but splits the film into 22 minute segments that you have to piece together first, in order, or they won’t play. My first class that encountered this problem couldn’t figure this out (and I’m completely helpless because this shit, pirated Windows software is in Doodles) so I had to dismiss them, which was obviously a waste of a class. 

 Also, that same shit software doesn’t allow for any subtitles. Or does it? This is a mystery because other teachers have insisted that the students can figure it out after a while. Not after twenty minutes they can’t. Not after the incompetent “tech support” interrupts a movie with only 40 minutes left to dick around for another 20 and do absolutely nothing. So far, four classes haven’t been able to figure how to use the subtitles. Even after phone calls to, presumably, more knowledgeable people. 

And the process of actually getting a room. The first three classes went off without a hitch. The fourth, though, was a bunch of shenanigans. Maybe it was timing. It was the first class after lunch/nap time and the teachers in charge of these special movie rooms were cranky? First one teacher says we can use a room, then other one says no. I stood by and watched the class leaders and the teacher exchange vehement Chinese for a few minutes before the crotchety teacher finally forked over the keys to a room that had equipment in it that didn’t work. On to a different room. The door and/or key is incredibly old/shit so it takes over five minutes to get the damn door open and other fifteen to figure out how to work the sound systems and get the screen projector down. Getting the movie set up was easy because I had learned how by now. And then, failing, to get the subtitles to work. All in all, we started the film forty minutes after it was supposed to begin.  

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Why, oh why, is this so difficult?

Four more classes to go… what adventures will await me tomorrow?